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<\/a><\/p>\nMy earliest memories of this outward expression of humility \u2014 which I\u2019m sure many a Japanese kid has experienced, too — is my mother\u2019s automatic hand on the back of my neck when I would bow in thanks to one of her Japanese friends. I can remember staring at my toes, my thoughts less about gratitude and more along the lines of, how long is this going to go for? When is she going to let go? But I could handle the excessive bowing. What I couldn\u2019t handle very well, however, was my mother\u2019s immediate input when I received a compliment from one of her friends. Whether it was \u201cRachel-san is so cute!\u201d or \u201cRachel-san is very smart!\u201d my mother would always interject with, \u201cNo, no, no,\u201d waving her hands in front of her face and shaking her head. Regardless of how many times this would happen, my mother would still have to reassure a crushed 12-year-old me every time that this wasn\u2019t genuine \u2014 it was just Japanese culture.<\/p>\n
Even as a 19-year-old college student teaching English in Fukuoka for the past month or so, this still holds the same: I can handle the natto, most of the polite behavioral customs, and the odd-looking Japanese toilets with ease, but I still stumble when it comes to accepting the Japanese compliment. But it seems like there\u2019s always a definite four-step process when it comes to this customary flattery.<\/p>\n
First, the compliment is given. It\u2019s usually nothing too deep, such as \u201cRachel-san, your Japanese is so good!\u201d or \u201cOh, Rachel-san, half-Japanese girls are so cute!\u201d Next, I\u2019m supposed to immediately reject the compliment \u2014 bonus points if I involve self-deprecation, and even more if I can also use that self-deprecation to compliment them back. For example \u2014 \u201cNo, my Japanese is terrible!\u201d or \u201cNo, no, I\u2019m not at all…you are so much cuter!\u201d We then engage in a light-hearted, completely inauthentic argument over my flimsy Japanese skills or my half-Japanese features. After stretching out the argument as far as it can go, I lose intentionally, moving on to the last step: accepting the compliment with a sheepish grin and a short bow.<\/p>\n
There aren\u2019t too many instances where my two cultures clash — but this is one of the few moments where they do. My American half encourages me to accept that compliment with pride, while my Japanese half urges me to prioritize humility and reject it zealously. I always try to merge with the culture around me, but it only takes a few self-deprecating rejections of the \u201cRachel-san is so cute!\u201d compliment on top of my inability to squeeze my way into a pair of miniature Japanese \u201cfree size\u201d shorts for me to wonder if \u201cRachel-san\u201d maybe isn\u2019t that great, after all. It\u2019s not a good feeling, and I\u2019m sure that, gaikokujin or not, I\u2019m not the only one who feels this way.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t get me wrong — humility is a wonderful thing. But if it means feeling better about yourself \u2014 and who doesn\u2019t want that? — maybe it wouldn\u2019t hurt to take that compliment once in awhile. <\/p>\n
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\nby Rachel Cantrell
\nCalifornia, Student\/English Teacher <\/p>\n