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<\/a><\/p>\nWhen my fellow English-language instructors and I are realistic about our lives, we can usually agree that Japan bestows \u201cteacher\u201d status on any English-speaking schlub with the wherewithal to purchase a ticket to Tokyo. This should offend actual Japanese teachers who bother with quaint pastimes such as certification, exams, and university training for language education. This undeserved title of \u201cteacher\u201d is attractive to personalities for whom showy displays of pedanticism based on minimal effort are considered cool\u2014the kinds of expats Japan Times columnist Debito Arudou refers to as “socially awkward, tech-savvy nerdy dorks.”<\/p>\n
If I were one of these people, I might say\u2014based on absolutely no research of my own\u2014that the largest percentage of English-speaking foreigners are imaginary \u201csenseis\u201d working for English schools or as ALTs. The problem comes when expats take the title as affirmation of their intellectual superiority, which is sort of like getting ordained as a priest for $20.00 on the Internet before taking the world to task for its lack of spiritual values.<\/p>\n
There is a flip side to this, which is the wide-eyed curiosity of the newly arrived, pink newborns who have yet to be jaded by the mechanics of daily life. These bright innocents have real questions, share their knowledge with enthusiasm and are the most widely reviled class of expats in Japan. Or are they the most needed? These innocents listen to what the old fogeys have to say, making them perfect victims for condescending knowledge-hazings by the pseudo-intellectuals.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t get me wrong. Japan is a terrible place to be an educated foreigner. As someone with a limited grasp of Japanese, I spend every day looking stupid. I\u2019m not proud of it. A lot of what I\u2019m ridiculing here are my own habits: I\u2019m a Japan blogger. I went to school for nine years. I teach English (sort of) and I get frustrated by the perpetual stereotype that I don\u2019t do any work. Obviously, I want to be more than a monkey using chopsticks. I feel a little too dumb too often. Showing off helps take the edge off of that insecurity. I\u2019m always trying a little too hard to look smart, funny and awesome. The trouble is, everyone around me sees me trying a little too hard to look smart, funny and awesome.<\/p>\n
The difference is, I can recommend a decent bar to a tourist without name-dropping Oda Nobunaga, or passing off arcane etiquette advice that expired during the Meiji Restoration.<\/p>\n
Since most expats face the same pressures and insecurities, what frustrates me about expat pedanticism is that it preys on those very pressures and insecurities. We all want to look like capable people. It seems silly to fight over who is the most capable. Surviving as an expat in Japan doesn\u2019t rely on your exhaustive knowledge about the Battle of Shiroyama. Seriously, everybody, I\u2019m illiterate. I\u2019m impressed if you can tell me there\u2019s shrimp on the menu at an izakaya.<\/p>\n
I want to learn about the country I\u2019m calling home, but I want to discover it for myself. I came here to explore and solve problems, to follow my curiosity about the world. I want organic learning experiences. I don\u2019t want to learn about the world from another foreigner with an iPhone and a condescending sigh. Put it away. Let\u2019s have a pint and vent about microaggressions. <\/p>\n
Originally published in Fukuoka Now Magazine (fn163, July 2012<\/a>)<\/strong> <\/p>\n<\/a>
\nby Eryk Salvaggio
\nUSA \/ English Teacher
\nEryk writes weekly at thisjapaneselife.org<\/a>. Check it out!<\/em><\/p>\n